Monday, July 14, 2008

City For Sale


FOR SALE: Wonderful northeastern city conveniently located within a few hours flying distance of 80% of the country’s major metropolitan areas. Many updates but still needs a little TLC. Sold in whole for the right price, but strong preference is for parcel-by-parcel conveyance.

OPPORTUNITIES INCLUDED: Land at a fraction of its market value, no-bid government contracts, permits issued anywhere for anything, preferential allocation of city services, job placement for felons and wife-beaters, tax breaks for qualified businesses (*), appointments to boards and authorities whereby you can create your own excellent business opportunities and much, much more.

TERMS: Cash contributions from 3rd parties preferred, but all other means of payment including in-kind, trade and barter will be seriously considered.

FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONTACT:
The Mayor’s Hot Line: 412-255-CITY
Email: luke.ravenstahl@city.pittsburgh.pa.us


(*) Businesses must show a strong balance sheet, a healthy operating margin, and otherwise be in a financial position whereby a tax break is not needed.

15 comments:

Mark Rauterkus said...

Sadly, 3rd parties are NOT preferred. Nor is the 2nd ones either.

Anonymous said...

the editorial cartoon is really good Char. Goes right to the point as to why the lukester is bad for the city.

V said...

hehehe

Pittsburgh Breather said...

he might not get a good asking price after buyers read about the poor air quality: http://pittsburghair.wordpress.com/

Chester said...

HapiBlogging to you my friend! Have a nice day!

Matt H said...

Where did this blog go?

Pittsburgh Polemics said...

No way! A whole city?! And we don't even have to bring in the graft and corruption?! What's the catch? Really, this has to be too good to be true. If you're serious about selling let us know, we know people. But you'll have to put down the first number (we're thinking 5 digits).

With high hopes,
Pittsburgh Polemics

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