Friday, March 14, 2008
Obama: A Nice-Enough Negro Who’s Unfortunately In Hillary’s Way
Some predators hunt alone. The Jurassic Velociraptor preferred to stalk its prey in pairs. The present day Clinton, however, is a team-player species that likes to take down its kill running in packs. It’s a socializing creature. A party animal that gets its dirty business done quickly, leaving plenty of time for a good cigar afterwards.
Even though the Clintons have been at this sport for many a year, they’re oddly off their game as of late. They’re busting the same groovy moves, singing the same progressive tunes. Except for some reason, this time around the shtick is not working. Not only is their prey not dead yet, he’s not even close.
So poof! The gloves have come off, the masks have come down, the drawers have been dropped and we have been treated to a rare view of these goons in all their bare-butt glory. It’s not been pretty.
Each member of the Clinton tag team has been re-dispatched, their efforts redoubled. Bill has been squinting his sanctimonious little eyes, wagging his crooked Monica index finger, warning all the peeps that Obama’s got no more going for him than that other light-weight black guy who ran for president and got nowhere. Sure, a black guy could be president. Someday. But not this black guy and not this day.
Bill’s message is aimed at the educated, supposedly-enlightened white who’d normally have no problem voting for a black. Bill’s gotta reassure these people that their inclinations are right, that their hearts are good, but that there’s also no shame in withholding their vote until the right black guy comes along. And Obama is just not the right black guy.
Attack Dog Ferraro was let loose to “lift up” and give hope to all the militant feminists who were feeling panicked that a man ….. a black man no less …..might rob them of their destiny. It’s their time, by god. (small ‘g’ intentional here) They’ve been burning their bras since the 60’s and that’s long enough. They must prevail. They must be given the respect they are due.
Governor Ed Rendell completes the demographic flanking maneuver. “Fast Eddie” has been dispatched to give Bill Clinton’s message to the working-class schlub because Fast Eddie speaks their language. In a kindly voice he tells Pennsylvania’s serfs that they are not alone. He knows there are a lot of hard-working, God-fearing (capitalization intentional here), good-hearted, blue-collared individuals out there who are just not ready to vote for a black guy. This does not make them bad people. This does not make them racists. They’re just not ready, and that’s not a bad thing. Besides, they can comfort their conscience by voting for another kind of minority, a safer kind of minority, one they’re ready for……A white woman named Hillary who was against NAFTA before she was for it.
So is all of this nonsense going to work? The Pist-Gazette has some predictions. Let’s see how many pan out:
Pennsylvania will swallow the Clinton bullshit but the rest of the country won’t. Hillary will steal the nomination from Obama in a flawed Florida redo. A redo so stinky and contested it will tear the party apart. African-Americans will sever their blind allegiance to the Dems and moderate whites will be forced to re-evaluate the entire political landscape. This will translate to a McCain victory in November and the Clintons won’t have a shred of remorse for anything but their own loss. After a very short period of depression, down-time and possibly attempts to kill each other …. The Clintons will rear their heads up once again, gather a new and more fearsome posse, and start on a plan to take back the White House in 2012.