SEEN: Pittsburgh's 1st Annual Seniors Bingo Bacchanal

Bingo Czar Dick Skrinjar and Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl wait in the wings to give the opening address at Pittsburgh’s 1st Annual Seniors Bingo Bacchanal. Skrinjar is seen here wearing the newly-approved Bingo Beret and Lucky Medallion. Authorization for the city’s official “Bingo Attire” clothing line has been held up for weeks as City Council attempted to confirm that no sweat shop vendors were used and that 30% of all profits go to Hill District leaders, still unidentified as of this writing. Council did finally approve, with the only negative vote being cast by Jim Motznik who felt it was a terrible mistake to close the city’s asphalt plant. Even though the Bingo Bacchanal and plant closing had nothing whatsoever to do with one another, Councilman Motznik still felt a “no” vote was in order.

Ravenstahl Hires New Communications Director

Diversity Was Prime Consideration

Mayor Luke Ravenstahl hired Missy Williams of the South Side as his new Communications Director. Ms. Williams, who turned 21 last December, replaces Dick Skrinjar who has moved on to become the city’s first Bingo Czar.

Missy first came to the mayor’s attention during his celebratory trip to New York City with Penguin’s part-owner Ron Burkle. “I was very impressed with Missy at that time and my intention was to somehow utilize her many talents for the betterment of Pittsburgh,” Ravenstahl told reporters.

Insiders noted that the mayor was hoping Williams’ hire would silence those critics who complain that the Ravenstahl administration includes too few women and minorities. Ravenstahl deftly covered both of those bases as Missy is reported to be 30% African-American.

Pothole Politics

Peduto Says It’s Payback

Councilman Bill Peduto’s car slid into a pothole in front of his Point Breeze home yesterday. The accident occurred just days after the councilman released a report alleging pothole pavings were being used as perks for those in power and the politically-connected.

“That’s simply preposterous” Mayor Luke Ravenstahl retorted. “Why, right off the top of my head I can think of three public servants whose streets are in a desperate state of disrepair and have not been paved yet. If you count Peduto, that makes four and I’m sure there are plenty of others. It has always been my intention that our puny pothole paving budget be parsed out as impartially as possible.” The mayor of course was referring to Anna Dobkin, Dick Skrinjar and Marlene Cassidy; the three staffers who Ravenstahl abruptly demoted just last week.

But Peduto pointed out that numbers don’t lie and his report shows that Pittsburgh’s politically connected and ONLY the politically connected (save for the 3 demotions and himself) have had their streets repaired. “Regular citizens will never get on the list” he predicted.

It is well-known that the mayor blames Peduto for much of the disrespect he’s had to endure, including the upsetting nickname “Fluke”. So a giant pothole appearing out of nowhere and swallowing Peduto’s car whole did not surprise many of the local pundits. They were puzzled, however, as to what the three Ravenstahl staffers could have done to warrant their abrupt demotions much less being purged from the Pothole Paving List. Word is if there are any bodies to bury or skeletons to hide, these three know about them. Keeping those particular potholes uncovered might prove to be yet another impetuous decision the young mayor lives to regret.