Governor Rendell Gets Pissy

Latest Millvale “Tour” Interfered With Pirates Game


Marty Griffin reported this morning that Governor Rendell’s Wednesday tour of flood-stricken Millvale was extremely abbreviated for a reason: Rendell was scheduled to see the Pirates play and he feared a stop in Millvale would make him late for the game. Marty went on to say that Rendell’s “people” had to twist his arm to make the stop. When he finally did grace Millvale’s soggy citizens with his presence, the governor only stayed for a couple of minutes and made damn sure everyone knew he wasn’t happy about any of it.

In his 2-minute address, Fast Eddie told the peasants gathered before him that there’d be no disaster money available because damage to the area wasn’t “bad” enough to officially qualify for the help. He added there might not be any low interest loans either. He then got into his limo and was whisked off to a more pressing engagement…..the all-important dinner and Pirates game that had brought the governor to our side of the state in the first place.

Long pause here.

Just how hard does a person have to be smacked before he finally sees the light? How many times must a person wipe the spit off his face before he acknowledges that the spitter holds him in complete and utter contempt? How many tons of feces-fouled flood waters have to come crashing in to a person’s home before he admits that the politician standing before him is a lying, snake-oil SOB who should be flogged in public and run out of town?

Apparently the answer to the above riddle is “more than three floods in one week” because Ed Rendell bears no flogging marks.

Marty continued his tirade by reminding all of his listeners that each year our beloved state politicians hand out $300 million in WAM monies alone. That the Johnstown Flood Tax is still being collected even though not one penny of that tax is going to flood victims. That we’ve spent over $1 billion on stadiums and a convention center. That the US Government is now sending flood aid to our BFF North Korea. But no one anywhere it seems has a spare buck to throw to the poor folks in Millvale.

I have to hand it to Marty. He says he’s getting calls from local “higher ups” complaining that he’s being too hard on them for their (pathetic) flood response. The big wigs are telling him to lay off the negative comments or …..

Marty’s response? BFD. He doesn’t want them on his show now anyway. Not until they quit scamming the folks of Millvale. Until then he’s instructed his producer not to take their calls.

Well. I guess the Pist-Gazette owes Mr. Griffin an apology.

Millvale Mayor And Borough Council Agree: Flooding Three Times In One Week Is Too Much

Resolution Limits Flooding To Only Once A Week

After a poignant comment from an angry Millvale citizen, Millvale’s Borough Council hastily passed a resolution which limits flooding from Girty’s Run to just once a week instead of the three or more occurances which have become commonplace as of late. Millvale Mayor Vincent Cinski happily signed the resolution as well.

“Flooding three times in a week is too much” said Millvale resident Bruce Bruns.

That comment struck a chord with Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato as well as Millvale’s local government officials. Onorato urgently pressed the Federal Government for help and President Bush’s response was almost instantaneous.

“We’ll have you cleaned up quicker than an IED attack on a hot Iraqi night,” quipped the President in his trademark folksy manner.

The President has followed through on his promise as the Army Corps of Engineers has just arrived in Millvale to properly dredge Girty’s Run.

“When we’re done, we can categorically promise you that this troublesome creek will never overflow its banks more than once a week,” said a high-ranking Corps official. “This is a promise we fully intend to keep.”