Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Our Own Forrest Gump

Wake up, Pittsburgh. We’ve got a veritable demigod in our midst and haven’t been paying proper homage. The Honorable Luke Ravenstahl’s life has paralleled that of William Jefferson Clinton for all these years and we backward Burghers have not even taken note. Like our very own Forest Gump, Luke has been right smack dab in the middle of every important juncture in this city’s recent history and we owe him big-time for his stellar public service.

Ravenstahl has been mis-underestimated and misunderstood since 1989, when at the tender age of nine, the young master counseled the URA to declare the area around the Garden Theater blighted. His brilliance went unreported and unrecognized at that time because Pittsburghers are loathe to recognize a political prodigy when they see one. Thankfully, Luke has been able to put his name on the Garden coup. Sadly, too many of Luke’s exploits still remain unacknowledged.

The Pist-Gazette therefore intends to do the right thing and set the record straight. The following list of “Accomplishments Luke Has Seized” is extremely abbreviated. There just isn’t enough space herein for all this young wonder has already done:

* Wi-fi Downtown Pittsburgh? Forget that small stuff. It was Luke, not Al Gore, who invented the entire internet.

* Only Ravenstahl was wise enough to vote against Act 47 before he voted for it.

* Ravenstahl invented the “Thank You Pittsburgh” sign. In fact, it was Luke dressed up as O’Connor who flashed the famous signs at various intersections giving the impression that “Bob O’Connor was everywhere”.

* Ravenstahl’s baby bib was the inspiration for Myron Cope’s “Terrible Towel.”

* Ravenstahl was the ghost writer for all of Sophie Masloff’s speeches. He wrote them during recess breaks and after his evening homework was completed.

Amazing. Simply amazing. All of this and "Most Livable" as well. We Pittsburghers are truly blessed.

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