Saturday, June 30, 2007

Pirates Fans Walk-Out Fizzles

4th Inning Seats Filled To Capacity

Businessman Andy Chomos had planned to embarrass Pittsburgh Pirates management by organizing a fan walkout after the third inning in Saturday night’s game with Washington. But as the above photo clearly shows, the Chomos protest fizzled when seats remained packed during the fourth inning and beyond.

“No way!” shouted angry fan Bill Mafesky. “That picture was a set up. Management packed that section with dummies and didn’t allow pictures in any other area.”

“It’s true that some loyal fans were unusually quiet and hardly moved, but that’s not a good reason to stoop to name-calling,” said fan William Nutting who has no relation to team owner Bob Nutting.

“I’m not saying them dummies are stupid," Mafesky continued. "I’m saying those dummies are real dummies. You know, like mannequins in store windows. I mean, just look at 'em …. They got no shirt, they all got the same hair, they’re wearin' eye makeup for Chrissakes and besides, not a one of them guys drank one beer all night long!”

One person standing close to Mafesky quickly disagreed. “Oh my God, you conspiracy people are something else. Pirates management would never do anything so silly and callous. They’re all about the team, not their own profits,” said fan Bob Nutting Jr., also no relation to team owner Bob Nutting.

The unusual controversy came about when Chomos and other angry fans finally tired of the Pirates’ 15-yr losing streak. They’ve accused management of being miserly when it comes to hiring top player talent, therefore dooming the team to loser status for the foreseeable future.

“Not so,” said team owner Bob Nutting. “Just because we demanded that taxpayers build us a new stadium, and just because our profits have soared since PNC Park was built, and just because we put those profits into our own pockets instead of team salaries …. that doesn’t justify calling us ‘miserly’. Besides, the fans still love and support us. That stadium was packed all night. No one left. Not even those quite guys in Section 108.”

No comments: