Monday, October 8, 2007

Hounded By The Press, Ravenstahl Takes To His Couch

Vows Not To Attend Steeler Games Until After Election

Not finding much sympathy here at home, Mayor Luke Ravenstahl has taken his whining all the way to the Big Apple. According to Luke and the New York Times, in the year he’s been mayor he kept the Penguins from leaving, balanced the budget for a second consecutive year, kept crime low and persuaded two developers to take on troublesome Fifth & Forbes.

And how has the city repaid this Wonder Boy? We’ve hounded him. We’ve disrespected him. We’ve nipped relentlessly at his tail driving him to become a Diet Pepsi junkie with a 12-can a day habit. His nerves are so frayed, bottle caps are piling up on the floor of his car faster than BBQ sauce and charcoal briquettes on a hot summer’s night at a Toby Keith concert.

Paranoid and convinced the media is out to get him, Ravenstahl nonetheless has retained the presence of mind to seek advice from New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg on matters of great importance.

“I asked him how he can go golfing every weekend and not get attacked,” Ravenstahl whimpered.

And how does the Boy Who Would Be King plan to turn the situation around?

“I just can’t enjoy the [Steelers] game when I know I’m going to get hounded by the press the whole time,” lamented Ravenstahl, eyes downcast, lip quivering.

He therefore has taken to his couch, now forced to watch the games, at home, alone, just he and his wife.

Heartbreaking. Simply heartbreaking.


Panthers in the Pros said...

Check out our murder rate and then tell me crime has been kept low.

Anonymous said...

Pathetic. This is an all time new low for Luke.

EdHeath said...

Seriously, who has attackd the Mayor on the golf course (clearly his implication)? Marty Griffin? No one has approached the Mayor at a Steelers game, but he has said publically that he does not keep track of how many times people give him tickets. The NYTimes story did not mention the Lemieux tournament, arguably the Mayor's most serious ethical lapse to date.
The Mayor of a small, financially distressed city should be feeling stressed. One who is running for election (not re-election) should be stressed. But he shouldn't turn around and blame the media for his stress.

Chad said...

The New York Times has now lost its last, lingering shred of journalistic credibility.

It's dead to me.

Margaritaville said...

The city is bankrupt.

Black on black crime is rising.

The Pittsburgh Promise is a joke.

We paid millions for liens on properties, what's happened to them?

Luke was with the Steelers on the Southside when the flood hit.

He threatens to take his toys & go home if the Exec. Women don't kick DeSantis out of the room...

And the NYTimes reporter believed Luke's 'It's all about the flip flops?'