The Mayor Has Embraced Himself

He Says We All Need To Do The Same


In his own words:
"But at the end of the day, I'm still going to continue to be who I'm going to be, and go to concerts like I always have, and go to have a drink with my wife in bars. That's what 27-year-olds do and I shouldn't be any different . . . I'm not going to change my life to appease the media or appease somebody who wants me to be somebody I'm not. I think the fact that I'm 27 is something the city should embrace and it's something that I've embraced.”

What he neglected to add is that he’s a handsome, buff hunk who enjoys his cigars and his nights out on the town with his soon-to-be mover-and-shaker friends and a posse of taxpayer bodyguards in tow. Of course the youngest, coolest mayor ever is entitled to the baddest pimped ride on the city’s lot.

Fortunately, all of this has not been lost on his new, hip Press Secretary who thinks the mayor “is as nice a person as he is handsome!” Nor her husband, Our Hero and the city’s Development Czar, who “looooooooves Luke and all the lovely women who work with Luke.” (Please refer to cached versions of “Love of Chair” for complete details)

Yes, Luke and his young posse are positioned to “move this city forward” to heights we’ve only dreamed of. If only we jealous, petty citizens would embrace this young man, his vision and his star qualities.

Well, the rest of us better get on board! This is Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania’s Party Town! Our bridges may be falling down, our sewers exploding, our taxes out the wazoo and bankruptcy looming …… But we’ve got ourselves a 27 year old mayor!

Wa-hoooooo! I’m psyched, aren’t you?